


god save our queen

by zeulgis



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Flowers, Fluff and Angst, Long One Shot, Moon, Nature, Pushing Daisies References, Teen Angst, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, forest, ghost - Freeform, i tried to do her justice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 19:52:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19280026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeulgis/pseuds/zeulgis
Summary: deep inside the Black Forest lies a secret.I fell for this secret.I died for this secret.RV!irene / female!reader





	god save our queen

   Travelling to another country at a young age isn't anything new for most people. But as I set foot outside of the airport and into a whole new world, I couldn't help myself but awe at the foreign streets, smells and people. It wasn't too cold nor was it too warm, it was the perfect weather for June, the beginning of summer vacation. Although papa told me multiple times about the pretty cabin at the edge of the forest back home in Germany, I had never seen it. Neither his new girlfriend.

"... Are you ready?" my dad asked me, taking hold of my right hand softly as if this was part of our casual routine. Wake up, get a divorce, leave to another country. Completely and utterly ordinary. After a short nod of approval, we entered the black car, on our way to the Black Forest.

_"It's alright to cry, y'know?" was what my mother repeatedly told me as we left the courtroom._

_I knew it was alright, in fact, it was more than alright, it was_ necessary _. Or so I thought. Any twelve years old would cry after finding out their parents just got divorced, right? Getting it out of the system and so on. But I didn't feel the need to – heck, I didn't know how or what to feel. I was scared, depressed, confused, disappointed with myself! It was too much for my little head to comprehend all at once already, and now I also had to cry?! I couldn't. I really couldn't. And my mother acknowledged that. Hopefully. As I held for dear life onto my court bear, I glanced at the woman holding my much smaller hand. It's going to be just the two of us now, huh? Does that mean I won't wake up to the ticklish smell of pancakes anymore? Does that mean there won't be any more bedtime stories and pillow forts? What about Cherry's morning walks? Or the late park visits? I did all those things with_ daddy only _. Will mommy take his place now? She had always told me she has to work... But daddy worked too, I'm sure she can do it! My train of thoughts came to a stop as soon as mom let go of my hand, the warm traces of her hold fading too fast._

_"Sweetie," she called out, her pretty eyes all watery. I hate seeing her like this. "Mommy has to go for a while now, so be a good girl for me, ok?" her question was soon followed by a kiss on the forehead, making me smile, nodding along with her. The next thing I knew, daddy was helping me put my seatbelt on, ready to go on our new adventure, as he said. My heart was pounding. What about mom? Why won't she be coming? I hope she'll be alright. Soon enough, everything turned into a blur. Everything around me was tinted in grey and the sudden need for sleep hit me like a ton of bricks._

   I woke up to the sound of birds. I fell asleep,  _again_. After the emotional rollercoaster I went through who could blame me. I glanced outside the open window of the back seat, the joyful chirps getting louder and louder. The refreshing smell of evergreen surrounded me, complimenting the greenery in front of me together with the pale sun. The sky was still blue, barely covered by white clouds. "What a nice day..." papa murmured taking in the scenery with a big smile, making me smile along with him. I missed it. "How about we do some exploring after we get settled in?" he looked through the rear view mirror. All I did was smile more. I couldn't help it! I thought, for a second, that maybe things aren't so bad–

"What about our  _alone time_ , darling?" Patricia, apparently, asked with a pout, her dark red lipstick exaggerating her features.

"Oh, right! I completely forgot about it!" wait, what? "Sorry, doll. Looks like we have to go exploring another time."

"It's ok, I guess..." it was my turn to pout, planting myself deeper into the backseat. Not even the prettiest birds could cheer me up. All I can do now is wait.

   I've waited and been patient, for two whole months, but my promised 'next time' never arrived. I waited, looking outside the window of my room at the pretty trees and flowers. I waited, reading hundreds of books outside, in the small wooden folly. I waited, picking flowers, naming them, ripping them. I waited together with the fireflies every night, dancing and talking to them. But our 'next time' still never came... So tell me,  _daddy_ , when will it?

"I'm going outside for a bit," I yelled, tying up my shoelaces. A sour taste tainted my mouth as soon as Patricia opened her lips, giving me 'the ok'. At this point, I'm not even surprised by my dad's lack of response. He gave up around two weeks ago. I winced as I closed the door behind me, ready for my so awaited adventure. It didn't take me too long to reach my destination. After all, the cabin was so isolated for this exact reason. For two months I've wanted to see what's inside this green beautiful mess, and now the time has finally come.

   I walked with a slight bounce in my step, it was as if my eyes gleamed, my mouth twitching into a smile. It all felt so fresh, so good, so green! I loved every second of my little on foot road trip. The sun was shining brightly, hitting my face from in between the trees. The gentle ripple, the cheery chirping, it all blended into a beautiful sonata I never got tired of... But the best part was the flowers. All those  _daisies_ , waiting for me to smell them, to sing them and to pick them up. The smell of berries, cotton and dried poppy tears accompanied the warm air. It was literally and figuratively a heaven in hiding. For some reason, I stopped. I wish mom was here. I wish dad was here. I wish they were  _both_ here. Why aren't they here, why did mom leave? In just a few seconds everything fell apart and I didn't know why. I could feel a line forming in between my brows and my eyes welling up. What kind of fairy tale is this?! All I have to do now is wait for Prince Charming to come and wipe away my tears and live happily ever after, right? Although it wasn't a  _prince_  who wiped my tears, a  _princess_  sure made me smile. Her giggle was the first thing I heard. Then a sweet melody followed. It was soothing. It was pretty. My feet moved on their own as if I was attracted by a magnet, but it's not like I wanted to stop either.

   Soon enough, as the melody continued, I stopped in front of a small glade, right at the mouth of a thin, sparkling waterfall shielded by green, musty rocks and a bed of flowers. A bed of daisies, to be precise. Though the princess standing in front of me caught my attention faster than I'd like to admit. She was wearing a white, supposedly strapless, dress covered by a dark green cloak, hiding half of her grinning smile and cherry cheeks. Her eyes sparkled with joy while she sang the group of bunnies a serenade. I blinked. Once, twice, thrice, yet I still couldn't believe my eyes. So now magical princesses really exist? How and why wasn't I informed?! My gracious steps were unfortunately futile as I stepped on a twig, scaring the small animals in the process. Before I could scare  _her_ away though, I tripped over my own feet, completely ruining the flowers underneath me.

"Oh God, are you ok?" the sweet smell of daisies filled my nostrils, making me feel more conscious than ever. I just royally screwed myself over in front of a very beautiful girl in the span of one minute. "Yeah, don't worry." I managed to answer with my face buried deep into the ground. The ground was nice. The ground didn't have starry eyes and rosy cheeks. The ground also didn't have the sweetest laugh I've ever heard, nor did it have hands that lifted my face gently, forcing me to support myself on my muddy forearms.

"You don't seem fine to me." it's official, I'm dead. That has to be the only plausible explanation as to why was this happening to me. It's normal for kids to have crushes, but this? This was ridiculous. I didn't know what to feel. Could someone this pretty be dangerous? What kind of question is that? Of course, they can! The sudden realisation made my heart pound and face pale instantly.

"Don't worry, I don't bite," I let out the breath I was apparently holding. "... Too hard that is." in that exact moment, my whole face scrunched up in fear.

    An uneasy feeling took over all of my body in a matter of seconds, the trembling of my lips all too obvious to the girl in front of me. My fists clenched the mud underneath me, supporting myself on my knees. Ever since I knew how to walk, I've been told about how scary people can be, so I knew not to talk with any stranger that comes my way. So I didn't talk to her. I just looked at her for a very long and awkward amount of time. God, she was glowing with glee! Though her last words lingered in the very corner of my mind, creeping me out little by little. I was contradicting myself over and over again until my back felt cold... And wet. I turned around only to find myself face to face with a green rock. I couldn't help but mock myself as I became aware of just how scared I actually was. I winced as I saw the sadness clouding her features. Did  _I_  offend  _her_? Now I was more terrified than ever. "I didn't mean to scare you, y'know..." she mumbled as her warm brown eyes fixated on me. Her pupils were huge, full of stardust probably. "It was only a joke –"

"A bad one." I was quick to reply, the corners of those same starry eyes all crinkled in a grin. Even I, a still hyperactive enough kid, felt uncomfortable with the pace her mood tended to change.

"So you  _can_ talk,"

"Of course I can," I whispered all of a sudden. "But I don't think I'm supposed to talk with you." I continued as if papa could hear me from miles away. For a moment, she looked puzzled, grasping and processing everything I just said. "How old are you?"

"How old are  _you_?"

"Definitely older than you,"

I couldn't help but scoff at her reply. "It sure doesn't seem like it." was soon followed.

    As her sugary chuckle echoed around the rocks, gravel fell on my thigh, just a few inches away from my face. Her laughing stopped and her face went blank. Maybe the new paleness gave her such a stare. A muscle on her jaw twitched as she got up, holding a hand out, supposedly for me to hold onto. Although a little hesitant, I grabbed it, walking away from the rocks while dusting myself off. I had enough dirt and grass on already. Even though her mood swings were indeed odd, the sudden new look worried my little heart all too much. I wanted to ask her what's wrong, I really did, but the tight, sweaty and overall stressful hold of her hand made me chew on my lower lip instead, watching silently as her breathing became hectic. In a few minutes, after several deep breaths, whatever bothered her soon was a distant memory as her cheeks flushed, letting go of my hand. It felt a little too cold all of a sudden. "Sorry about that..." she cleared her throat. "I think it's time for you to go home." it was my turn to blush.

"Where is home exactly...?" it seemed like I waited for an eternity to hear her laugh again. "I'll show you the way – If you can trust me that is."

"Tell me your name first."

"Irene." a pretty name for a pretty girl.

   I had no choice but to follow Irene around the forest. After all, I didn't plan my grand adventure all too well. Nonetheless, I didn't regret it. I don't know if it was because of her, or because the sun was setting, but everything seemed so much...  _More_. I don't know if it was because of the bits of star carried in her veins, or because of the lunar mist surrounding us, but everything seemed so much  _more magical_. For many nights I looked outside the round window of my room wondering what was out there. Now that I finally saw it, I  _loved_ it. I laughed, danced, got lost a few times, but I still  _loved_ it. I hope Irene loved it too. The first summer I spend with her was really precious. For one night, I forgot the tragedy also known as my life. I forgot about my dad, my mother, everything, "Do you think the moon is jealous of how pretty you are?" for a moment, I died. Was she talking to me – no she already did. Was she  _complimenting_ me? As if she could read my mind, Irene laughed, pointing earthwards, at the bunny in front of her. Even though she didn't compliment me, I cherished those moments, deep in my heart, wondering if I could stay by her side in the soon to come winter.

"I think this is it," Irene spoke, touching my shoulder gently, pausing my daydreaming just like that. I took one, two steps in front of her, confirming myself that this is it. I was home. I  _hated_ it. I hated coming back from my dreamland. I hated coming back to see Patricia's face, keeping my dad preoccupied, and  _all to herself_. I sighed, studying the not so little cabin with distaste. Looks like today is finally over.

"Hey, Irene –" there was no Irene. When did she leave? How come I didn't hear her? I was too tired to think. Drowsiness invaded my mind and body, making me drag myself inside, ready for a well-deserved bath.

In the end, I waited so much I had to leave. But I didn't want to leave! I wanted to stay. Although I hated it, I  _wanted_ to wait. I didn't want to leave and forget all those things. I made sure not to. As autumn came by, I never forgot. As winter came by, I never forgot. Even in spring, I still remembered that day. I remembered it so well I came back every summer, searching for that moment, searching for Irene. I searched for her four summers. And with the end of every summer, came a new feeling. Sadness. Disappointment. Anxiety. Depression. It all hit me like a ton of bricks.

    I was sixteen when saw her again, back in the Black Forest, right beside the small waterfall at the end of the glade. It was around mid July. It was pretty hot outside. Yet she was as beautiful as I remembered her to be. A real-life fairy tale princess. I took everything in: the visuals, the sounds, the smells. Nothing changed. It was as if the forest itself waited for Irene. I wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. After all, I did the same thing. Just like last time, I unintentionally stepped on a twig, drawing her attention with ease. I held my breath. Will she recognise me? I've grown a little bit since I was twelve after all. While fidgeting timidly with my fingers, I felt the need to look down. She was watching me so attentively I almost fainted. Almost, "Oh, it's you!" she finally said, placing beside her what looked like a flower crown. This time, she wasn't wearing a cloak, her white dress in full display as she tried her best to not trip over herself. Her hair was also different. Now it was neatly braided on the side, showing more of her rosy cheeks and radiant smile. My face already hurt from all the grinning, but it was worth it as long as she smiled along.

"Hi there," I managed to mumble out, waving weakly. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" I sounded so lousy in front of her, only one thought went through my mind. 'Heck, heck, heck, heck, heck'. I blinked and she was in front of me, far enough to not feel uncomfortable, but close enough to sense the daisy perfume lingering in between us.

"It sure has been – ugh..."

"Heck."

    My hand went over my mouth, feeling my ears burning hotter as soon as I heard Irene's laugh. 'Is it going to become a tradition to embarrass myself in front of her?' Not that I minded. "That's quite the unique name you have," she winked, making my heart beat just a tad faster. Everything from the atmosphere to the lack of sounds felt nice. It felt  _pretty_. I missed pretty.

"I know, right? Most people prefer to call me ___, unfortunately."

"Heck suits you so much better though..." Irene insisted with her arms crossed, a pout taking over her features. Even her pout was lovely. Never in my life, I have ever seen someone so beautiful. I felt so overwhelmed, yet so happy. It was an odd sensation I couldn't get tired of. For just a few moments, things were silent.  _That_ I didn't like. I felt pressured by her presence. Like I needed to say something all the time. "Flower crowns, huh?" I asked, trying to change the subject. "Is that why you hang out around here?"

   Her face dropped. It was obvious I touched a nerve, "...Yeah, sure." she replied as she walked away from me, back to the flower crown, proceeding to sit down. All I did was follow. "What about you? What are  _you_ doing here?"

"Recreation! I really like," I looked down. "Daisies!"

"Judging from our previous encounter, I can clearly tell that." oh God, that last time. Her smirk didn't help my situation as I felt my ears burning. After a nervous laugh and clearing my throat, everything was silent again. She wasn't much of a talker, huh? I wouldn't call her boring – I knew the personality was there – maybe I was the one boring. Wouldn't surprise me, I would be annoyed too if a kid suddenly decided to get all friendly with me. Unfortunately for her, I wasn't going to give up. "Where are you from?" her shoulders seemed oddly relaxed. Was she not bothered by  _that_ question.

"South Korea," she responded oddly fast.

"That's cool! So, are you here on a holiday or –"

"More like a school trip. With less school and more friends." soon our conversation became an interrogation. I would ask the questions, she would answer. I couldn't tell whether or not she was lying, her empty expression failed to give anything away. I soon found out she was nineteen years old, herbalism major and that she had two cats: Buttercup and Poppy. It was around late afternoon when I lost count of the questions. I knew so many things about her, some random some more important, yet all she did was play with those flowers. I wasn't too sure she was enjoying herself. And it broke my heart. No one could keep their cool for that long. Irene was no exception as her eyes narrowed and knuckles whitened at her firm grasp of the delicate flowers.

"Ok, one last question," I sighed, twirling a daisy in between my fingers. I felt bad for those little guys. "You said you're on a trip with some friends, right?"

"Yes." she exhaled, her nostrils flaring.

"Why would they leave you here, then?" I studied her as her brows knitted. "They don't sound all that nice if I'm being honest. Isn't it lonely staying around here –" I stopped myself. Way to go me! Insulting your crush's friends right in front of her! Too preoccupied with my mental breakdown, I failed to notice Irene talking.

"... Dead." that's the only word I was able to hear through her whispering, though I didn't fail to notice the crack in her sudden petite voice. She seemed to pick that up, so with glossy eyes and scarlet cheeks, she repeated herself. "I am  _dead_. They left me here because I am  _dead_."  

   I laughed. That was it. All I did was laugh. I knew – I was one hundred percent sure – there was no way she was serious. As soon as I looked at her, I couldn't help but bite my tongue. She was crying. Her pretty brown eyes were flooded with tears, and she was uncontrollably sniffling. My chest hurt all of a sudden. "H-hey... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you," I was devastated. I wanted to slap myself. I felt like I had to. Why was she crying? Did I say something wrong? Did I insult her? I panicked. Without thinking, I put my arms around her shoulders, hugging her tightly. I could feel warm tears staining my clothes, but I didn't care. In return, I stained her shoulder as well. We stayed like that for an eternity. Just hugging each other, crying. I didn't even feel her hugging me anymore, it became part of me. "Please forgive me," I mouthed in a hoarse voice. "Whatever I said that upset you, please forgive me..." with red eyes, I looked up. The sun was setting, orange puffy clouds taking over the sky. Irene wasn't saying anything. It worried me beyond relief. Only after a few more sobs, she ended our hug.

"It's not your fault." she laughed at herself, wiping a few tears away from her face gently. "I don't know what got into me all of a sudden. I should be the one apologizing." I must have done something oddly horrible in my previous life to deserve seeing this.

"Don't say that. I shouldn't have laughed at you." a sudden thought crossed my mind. Was she serious about the whole dead thing? Was she a –

"I would have laughed too if someone came up and told me they're a ghost."

"If you really are a ghost," I stood up, still sceptical. Irene didn't sound like such a nice person all of a sudden. "How come I can touch you? And do I need some sort of board game to talk with you now?"

"Look, horror movies and whatever ghost documentaries are out there on the internet aren't exactly right," she groaned, standing up as well. I just saw how dirty her dress became. "Just because I'm dead that doesn't mean I don't have a body... I think."

" _You think?_ "

"I died four years ago! Not even ghosts understand how these things work! All I know is waking up here, in this dress..." I didn't know whether or not I should take her seriously. I thought this was all a joke. I thought my feelings for her were a joke.

" _How did you die_?" shortly after my question, Irene disappeared. As in she wasn't there anymore.

    What was there, though, was a sudden cold chill. It went all the way down my spine. I felt sickening. I felt  _scared_. My heart was thumping and my gut was telling me to run. So that's what I did. I ran and I couldn't stop. Everything around me was a green blur as I ran so much my feet hurt. It didn't matter which direction I went, I just ran. If it weren't for the rock I tripped over, I would have much longer. I could feel my muscles pulsating, exhausted and soon to be sore. Once again, I was laying on the ground. I didn't want to get up, I was too tired. I was so tired I could have fallen asleep right there. A sudden neigh was what made me rose up panting. I looked up only to see a... Horse? It was more like a draft. He, apparently, wasn't very big, one or two inches shorter than me, with a chestnut coat and flaxen mane. Nonetheless, his stare made me feel uncomfortable. What was he doing here? I didn't have enough time to continue my never-ending monologue as he soon reared, standing up on his hind legs. I felt my left shoulder pop as I tried to avoid getting squashed. The sound his hooves made as they hit the ground made my stomach turn.  _That_ could have been  _me_. The sensation I felt earlier in the glade returned. They say most animals are more scared of you than you are of them. But this one – He sure wasn't scared of me or anything surrounding the meadow as he went for it one more time. I was petrified, eyes closed, curled up in a ball, waiting for him to crush me. All of a sudden, the neighing stopped. I stood up in a sitting position, opening one of my eyes. He was still there, that's for sure, but to his left, petting his tame softly was Irene, studying and observing me with a hollow stare. I could finally breathe.

"Thank you," I said absentmindedly, feeling my eyes tearing up for the second time that day. A frown took over my features as I looked at Irene, searching for any sort of reaction. She smiled as I cried.

   I couldn't stand it. This house was so dull. I was unable to stop my mind from lingering, thinking, even speculating, about my meeting with Irene and her little secret. I was unable to stop my heart from throbbing. _I almost died_. I was saved by a ghost of all people. What a sappy story I would never tell anyone. Who would have thought those damned YouTubers were right? Were there any other ghosts around? If so, where were they? Why was I able to see Irene only? There were so many questions that needed answers. It all felt too unbelievable, too unreal. Could this possibly happen to someone so miserable like me? What kind of messed up story is this? As I held tighter onto the flower crown Irene made me, I looked outside. I was back at square one. I was back at looking through the window, musing. I was still musing on my way downstairs, ignoring the side eye Patricia gave me. It became part of my daily routine. Before I knew, I was already seated, laughing along whatever bad joke my dad made. For once, it felt good to be so mundane. Unfortunately, my moment of bliss wasn't long-lived, as I sensed a retort was about to come from the other side of the table. "So where have you been all day?" Patricia asked, twirling around her glass. I didn't like her tone. Most of the time, she wasn't too concerned about my being. I would be surprised if she even knew my name. So why was she so interested in me all of a sudden?

"Where else could I have possibly been? I was outside." I squinted at her. "I went for a walk, exploring."

"Really now?" her smile wasn't a good sign. She brushed few of her blonde bangs away from her eyes. "Looks like your  _exploring_ went pretty well," she looked at the bruise on my exposed shoulder while taking a sip of wine, making me immediately pull the collar of my loose t-shirt up. How could I possibly forget about that?! I wasn't going to let Patricia of all people have the last word.

"If you're insinuating what I think you are – Shocking. I am truly stunned by the display of idiocy. If you know what that word even means." and that was the beginning of what one would call an utter disaster.

   So, there I was, passive-aggressively washing the dishes, muttering every curse word I could think off. Poor dishes, they didn't deserve that kind of abuse. "She loves you, y'know?" my father's sudden entrance scared me, making me drop a glass in the sink. I didn't say anything, I just waited for him to continue defending her. Just like he always did. "In her own peculiar way, she loves you." I turned around, an exasperated sigh leaving my lips.

"It's been four years, dad," I grumbled, sitting down beside him at the dinner table, holding his arm gently. "Four years and all she has done was yell and make assumptions about me." I could feel my voice cracking. I had enough of her insanity and obnoxious personality. The way she teased – even tried to make fun of me in front of him was the last drop. It may have come out of nowhere, but after what I went through that day. "I am  _tired..._ " I was able to tell my dad was mad. The way a vein popped out in his neck, the way he clenched his fists. It was too obvious. It was obvious he loved her more than me.

"Sweetie –"

"Don't 'sweetie' me, dad. That's all you've been doing these past years!" I stood up, feeling my cheeks get wet. I wasn't going to cry in front of him. "I know you love her, I really do, but just because  _you_ love her that doesn't mean  _I_  do too."

   I didn't stand around too much after that. I grabbed a hoodie and went outside. Just because I was depressed that didn't necessarily mean I also wanted hypothermia. It was pretty chilly outside after all. Soon after, I was sitting on the bench of our little wooden gazebo, just outside the forest, crying my eyes out for what seemed like hours for the third time that day. I knew, as soon as I touched my under eyes, I looked like a mess. Ignoring the fact that I almost died, I just had to go out of my way and ruin the whole day. I felt disgustingly miserable. The whole point of this trip was to stop feeling this way, yet there I was, bawling my eyes out.

"God, you are such a cry baby." a flush crept up my face as I became aware of Irene's presence. "You're way too loud. Just for how long exactly do you plan on crying?" she whined, blowing away the few strands that landed on her face.

   I winced. "Sorry my suffering is bothering you so much..." I whispered as I continued to sniffle. Irene was the last person I wanted to get mad. Who knew what kind of other freaky powers she had?

"You are either way too naive either trolling me," I could already see her adorable smile, even without lifting my head. "And guessing from the way your face lit up, I can assume it's the latter." she continued, pinching one of my cheeks. My smile soon faded as I grabbed her hand and placed it in her lap as soon as she sat beside me. I took my time while observing her. Her white dress was still dirty with grass, mud and flower petals. Instead of ruining the dress, it added to it. It was as if the dress was made for that exact reason, while her hair wasn't any better as it was a complete mess. A beautiful mess. Irene's blush took both of us by surprise. Her coffee-coloured eyes seemed to shine brighter than ever as the fairy lights surrounding us turned on, illuminating the dewy honeysuckles and jasmine attached to them. Everything about that moment was too ethereal in my mind. From the sparkly little stars shining up in the sky to that damned gazebo, it all felt perfect. It was so serene, so beautiful. It was the moment I waited so long for. In which I could forget about all of my worries. In which I felt happy.

"Do you ever just..." I sighed as a hand went through my hair. "Do you ever just cry because life sucks and everything is falling apart, but you know things are going to be fine eventually, but right now it's horrible and you don't want to –"

" _Slow down._ " her voice was soft. When I said soft, I meant  _soft_. It rang in my ears so flawlessly I stopped talking immediately just so I could enjoy it more. It was so silent I could hear my heartbeat. It was slow and calm. Just like our moment. "What happened?" she asked and I answered. I told her everything. From my parents' divorce to my recent fight with Patricia. All she did was listen.

  I felt so bare, so vulnerable. It's been so long since I last talked so much. My cheeks were red and itchy from all the crying, I could feel my throat burning, my sore and tired eyes adding a finishing touch. Yet, I felt so relieved. I felt so relieved knowing Irene won't judge me, allowing me to feel like myself and let it all out. I felt so relieved about getting everything off my chest. I talked so much I lost track of time. I couldn't tell whether or not time was moving forward, but I could tell that as soon as I finished my long life story, my eyes were closing. My eyelids felt so heavy, yet I didn't want to sleep. I would be wasting so much time just resting. I would miss her smile. I would miss her laugh. I would miss Irene. I would miss so many things. So many _magical_ things. Why couldn't time stop _then_? I wanted nothing more than that. "I think that's enough excitement for one night," she whispered, softly lulling me to sleep. "You need to rest."

"But –"

"We'll talk more tomorrow." before I could further protest, her finger shushed me. "I promise."

 I woke up to the sound of soft humming. Although I wanted to open my eyes, I kept them closed, allowing myself to enjoy Irene's soft melody a little longer. Her short concert was accompanied by the high pitched chirping of the birds. Just like last night, I wished time would stop, granting me more of these ethereal moments. Unlike last night, though, I felt cold. A long shiver travelled down my spine making me open my eyes, finding myself greeted by Irene's soft smile. I felt warm all of a sudden. Maybe it was because of the gentle sunlight finally penetrating my covered skin or maybe it was because of Irene, who knows? "Good morning," I muttered, my voice still hoarse. That's when I realised I was still in the gazebo, with my head in her lap. I stood up shortly after as if I was on autopilot, somewhat distancing myself from Irene. The awkwardness the atmosphere was tinted in was more than obvious. "Sorry... Didn't mean for that to happen." her sugary sweet laugh filled my ears in an instant. I didn't know if that was a good or bad thing.

"Don't worry about it," she said, playing with the few rebel strands of her messily tied braid. "We can't control the way we sleep, after all."

"Can you even sleep?" I asked without realizing, but before I could apologise, Irene already answered. The question didn't seem to bother her. Quite the opposite actually. "Not really... I don't know how to explain it."

 My subtle attempt at resuscitating the situation fell flat thanks to a stiff hand pat. No other words were exchanged after that. It was a combination of both uncomfortable and relaxing, as absurd as that might sound. I was lost in my thoughts, echoed by last night's conversation, the sudden need to hide into my hoodie reaching its peak in just a matter of seconds. That, and I was also cold. I let my eyes wander, allowing myself to get distracted by my surroundings. It was still relatively early in the morning, the sheer layer of mist slowly dissipating, sprinkling all greenery in the morning dew on its leave. It reminded me of magic dust, enveloping all plants in its airy glow. It resembled Irene too much. A short-lived light, bound to soon disappear. It made me wonder about so many things. It made me want to ask so many questions. I turned my attention to her instead, awestruck by her glow. It was warm, radiating this unique energy that did nothing more than welcome me in. It felt like something I was missing. It wasn't romantic nor was it sensual. It felt so familial, so homely. It felt _amazing_. "So," her melodious voice accompanied rather than interrupt the moment. "How are you feeling?"

"Better than last night, I guess," I muttered, clearing my throat in the process. I tried as much as possible to avoid eye contact. It was true, I did feel better than last night, but just because I felt better that didn't necessarily mean I wasn't embarrassed. I kept fidgeting for an eternity, wondering about what I should say next. "Thank you." was all I could say.

"What for?"

"For listening." I finally found my words. "For trying to make me feel better and for staying here with me. I really appreciate it." her nice little smile brightened up her face, helping me relax.

"Don't mention it. I'm always happy to help people around here." people around here? I sometimes forget, even if it is for just a few minutes, that Irene isn't... Human. She seems so real and so alive. It's almost funny how out of all people, a _ghost_ was the one who helped me.

"Aren't you cold?" I looked up and saw my father, realizing Irene was long gone.

 I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Was he mad at me for storming out last night? Was he worried about me sleeping here? I chewed on my lower lip nervously, waiting for him to continue. "Come inside, breakfast is ready." all I did was nod. A loud exhale escaped my mouth, feeling my shoulders slack back, as I curled up in a ball. What was I expecting? Of course, he couldn't care less about how I was doing, or if I'm alright. It was all dandy as long as I didn't die.

"And the 'Father of The Year' award goes to..." with my head supported by my knees, I turned my head to the side, feeling even more lethargic as I listened to Irene talk. I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life in this gazebo, away from my problems, away from people. With Irene.

 Unfortunately, I couldn't. I couldn't spend an eternity in here. I couldn't spend an eternity with Irene. I stood up, surprising her in the process. "Wanna come inside?" I suggested as I stretched my arms. As long as my father won't see her, things should be fine. "You're pretty good at hiding, anyway." her laugh reverberated in my ears.

"I can't walk further than this."

"What do you mean?" she stood up, stretching her arm out of the gazebo. My eyes doubled in size as I saw her hand slowly fading, making me pull her back. "Are you going to disappear?!" she nodded, walking out if the gazebo in the direction of the forest.

"I'm bound to this forest." it was the second time I have ever seen Irene this blue. Her glow was fading, a morose aura taking over instead. It made my heart shatter. It was as if I just witnessed someone hitting a puppy. The puppy, of course, was Irene. I sighed as I walked towards her, taking hold of her cold hand.

"Well then, into the forest we go!" I said with a somewhat cheery smile, to which Irene smiled back _sadly_.

"You should go inside. Who knows what your father might say," she whispered as she turned me around towards my house, placing a small daisy behind my ear. "We can talk later."

"After breakfast?"

"Yes, after breakfast."

"At the glade?"

" _Yes_ , at the glade." she giggled as she pushed me further. "I do have one condition, though." I immediately turned around, more than eager to hear what Irene has to say. "Call me _Joohyun_."

 As promised, I met up with Joohyun after breakfast, at the glade. We talked and talked and talked for so long my mouth hurt. We talked so much it was the next day by the time I got home. I never realised how soothing talking can be. It is such a trivial, yet needful thing in our lives, it became my favourite thing. Although to be more exact, talking with Joohyun was what I actually liked. That moment became my most cherished moment. Just like chatting, it was simple but meaningful. It was the one bit I held close and dear to my heart as I waited for summer to come back again and let savour such times again... And that's what I did. My seventeenth summer is my favourite. Full of wonder, animals and daisies in my imaginary kingdom, where I reigned queen, free of worries and sadness. It was my biggest secret. It was beautiful, mesmerizing, fun. So much _fun_. Exploring around with Joohyun was fun. Singing with Joohyun was fun. Making Joohyun blush was also really fun. Though leaving wasn't as fun. But I managed, knowing I would see her again next summer. Knowing I would tell her I love her.

 I was eighteen when I realised I fell for Joohyun. It might seem ridiculous or it might seem stupid of me to feel such a thing, yet I did. I fell for a ghost. Was I finally going crazy for loving a ghost? Most likely, but as I dashed out of my father's car, I could feel my heart beat just a tad faster as soon as I spotted a certain silhouette in the gazebo. I embarrassingly stumbled and ran, ecstatic to _finally_ talk with her again. My face dropped just before I was about to step inside it, Joohyun nowhere to be found. I suspected nothing and against my better judgement, I ran further into the forest, not hearing my father's calls. That would have been my last summer with Joohyun. She needed to hear me. _I_ needed to hear her, see her. I collapsed on my knees the moment I reached the glade. She wasn't here. There were no birds, no animals, no Joohyun. Only the mellow murmur of the tiny waterfall could be heard. Shivers ran through my spine, goosebumps rising on my skin bit by bit. I felt cold in that summer afternoon. I felt scared. It was the same feeling I had when I was sixteen. When I almost died. I looked around me. Was this forest always this big? Was this forest always this _creepy_?

 There was a soft hum. It complimented the waterfall so well. And as if I was under a spell, I followed it. I ran and ran until I could feel my muscles burning. I ran into a tree and I almost stepped on a bunny, just so I could see _her_. Just so I could talk to her. I would be there for her, just like she was there for me. I would have run across the whole world for her. I would have done anything for her. Just like she would, right? Because I wasn’t paying attention to where I was looking, I fell, cushioned by a bed of daisies. I exhaled loudly, turning around on my back, suffocated by their sweet aroma. I looked up, unable to see the sky in all its warm glory, covered by long green branches. I wanted to get up – I had to get up, but I couldn’t. My legs were continuously trembling, completely burnt out from all the running. As my chest kept heaving, my eyelids were slowly closing, persuading me to rest. I could still hear Joohyun’s hum as I drowsily closed my eyes.

 It was night time by the time I woke up. I looked up again. The moon was shining as brightly as ever, if not brighter that one chilly night. Goosebumps seemed to become a permanent accessory attached to my skin, as my now tattered couldn’t do anything besides cover my clammy skin. Still in a daze, I stood up, my ears perking the moment I heard her voice again. She sounded even sweeter at night. My ankle kept pulsating as I kept walking in the direction of the sound, ominous shivers returning. It was as if my body tried to warn me. As if my body tried to stop me. Was I wrong for doing this? I knew it wasn’t normal, that’s for sure, but I couldn’t find it in myself to understand why it was _wrong_. Nonetheless, I kept moving, more curious rather than desperate to find out what was going on. Everything around me seemed alarming, the forest once known as my secret place, a place where I can be happy, terrifying me.

 Fields of nothingness stretched outside the forest, revealing a narrow path illuminated by the wan moonlight, turning the long tracks into an illustrious decor. I found myself walking towards a castle. Statues of kings were lined up at its outskirts, serving as reminders of the past. As I got closer, it became clear to me that the castle had been around for at least a few hundreds of years, yet it didn’t seem like it would collapse any time soon, so I allowed myself to get a better look. Five slim round towers surrounded the castle in almost a perfect circle, connected by giant thick walls of white stone. Elegant windows were scattered here and there around the walls in fairly symmetrical patterns. I stared in perpetuity at its tall ajar doors, as if awaiting a certain cue to enter. I immediately found out the cue I was waiting for was my name, called out cautiously from inside the castle and with heavy steps, I entered.

 Dust coated the floor, walls, windows and old furniture making my nose feel itchy, carefully making my way through untouched rooms one by one, still searching for Joohyun. Just as I reached my third room, the humming stopped. Was I close? I heard a giggle, making me turn my head towards it. Right by the doorframe stood her, still wearing her white flowery dress, still smiling kindly. “Joohyun?” it was my turn to call after her. She didn’t respond. She continued laughing, walking away into the castle’s never-ending corridor. Without her humming, everything was silent. So silent I could hear her steps. They flowed down delicately, making the softest sound as if she was scared someone would notice her. I stumbled after her, trying to keep up as best as I could with a swollen ankle.

“What’s up?” I tried to ask her, reluctant to believe there’s something wrong with her. “Why aren’t you saying something?” I asked a little louder, still waiting for an answer. I kept walking into the darkness, letting myself to be led by her. By the ghost I loved. We reached a dead end and a bright light hit my face. We were outside? I immediately noticed a part of the castle was demolished, leaving behind a gaping hole. We were standing on a cliff. And right by its edge stood Joohyun. My heart was thumping, body filled with worry. What’s going to happen if she falls? We are pretty far from the forest, after all.

“Do you care about me?” asks Joohyun all of a sudden.

“Of course I do!” my body was shaking, the cold breeze feeling electrifying on my skin. “I don’t understand what’s going on…”

“Do you like me?” she continued asking in a sweeter tone.

 With burning cheeks, I walked closer towards her, still trying to process her question. What does like mean? As in friends? As in family? As in _lovers_? There was a certain thrill running through my veins. Maybe it was because I was staying at the edge, maybe it was of her question. “I do like her, but I can’t see –”

“Then aren’t you going to jump?” I looked at her in disbelief. Her once warm brown eyes seemed hollow. The light in them died out. She wasn’t asking me to jump, she was  _ordering_ me to jump. “If you’re worried about something happening to you, I’m right here, aren’t I?” she took a step closer, whispering. “I won’t let  _anything_ happen to you.” I knew she wouldn’t. She could have let me die two summers ago, but she didn’t. She showed me nothing but kindness. She was there for me when I needed someone. She made me laugh, she made me smile. She gave this little whimsical kingdom in which I am queen. She made  _so happy_. “I promise it would be  _fun_.”

 I gasped. An attempt to calm my beating heart. It was so loud I couldn’t hear my own thoughts. I took a few steps away from Joohyun, looking deeply into her eyes once again. “I promise it would be  _fun_.” I knew there was nothing to be afraid of. I looked up one more time, looking at the stars. They were shining so brightly as if they were also encouraging me. And so, I jumped. I jumped over the cliff, not looking back, yelling my lungs out in a rush of adrenaline. Millions of thoughts raced through my mind at the speed of light, the wind hitting my face so violently I could barely hear myself scream. She would be at the end, right? She would catch me, right? She won’t me let me die right?

 I could hear someone call my name. It was a girl. I slowly opened my eyes, slightly blinded by the warm sunlight hitting my face. I was in a forest. I was in a glade. Everything around me was green, the fresh smell of daisies tickling my nose. By my side stood a girl. She looked around my age. An adorably gentle smile graced her pink lips, her dark brown eyes, shining as bright as the sun. The girl giggled, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear as she re-adjusted the flower crown I was wearing. God, I was madly blushing. “Who are you?”

“Don’t you remember, dear? It’s me, Irene!” a pretty name for a pretty girl.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i hope you enjoyed this little story and thank you so much for reading!!


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